How it feels to go from verbal to non-verbal: 3 accounts

Nera Birch: https://themighty.com/2021/11/going-nonverbal-autism/

Danny Jackson H: https://medium.com/invisible-illness/what-its-like-to-go-nonverbal-dd4754d008e0

Me (the website creator):

When I go nonverbal, I feel helpless. Not because I am, because I'm certainly not, but in the sense that it's difficult for me to let people know what is going on. Usually my nonverbal moments (my "NV moments" or "NV mode" as I like to say) happen under 2 circumstances:

1. I have had a lot of social interaction in a short period of time, whether it be having a deep, thought-provoking conversation with friends or going to a large dinner with my extended family, or

2. I am under stress, am overstimulated, and I need to step back and take a break from doing anything but I am unable to (such as when I went NV my first time in an airport where I didn't have time to calm myself because so much was happening around me)

It is unexplainably frustrating when I begin to enter one of these moments and the person/people that I am with do not understand why I can't "just talk" because "I know you can, you just were." A lot of times, I can speak, but it takes every ounce of remaining energy that I have and it actually feels painful to force myself to open my mouth and use my words. It leaves me worse off and draws out the experience even longer. But unfortunately there are people who will accept no other method of communication.

In my experience, NV moments can last from a few minutes to a couple of hours. As of a few months ago (from when I am writing this), I finally realized the signs that I am going to go nonverbal soon. My voice gets a lot quieter and I start speaking with broken sentences or single words until I can't say anything at all. I can tell that I am nearing the end of one when I am able to slowly say single words and eventually progress back to full sentences again. Sometimes, NV moments can be combined with a period of time where I can't move. My body will lock up (luckily, usually one hand will remain mobile for me so that I can type on my phone) and I can't move. These moments aren't as common, but when I find myself unable to move or speak, I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs because I'm so frustrated and upset.

I have tried to figure out ways to still communicate with people during these moments, and I came to realize that some methods are easier to use with some people than others.

For example, typing on my phone is a viable option to use when someone doesn't know sign language or I am on a voice call with someone but I've encountered a few obstacles that way. For one, typing out what I want to say when I'm in the middle of a conversation with a group of friends either causes a long, unnatural pause in conversation or if I am trying to respond to what someone said, typing is too slow and the conversation has already moved on. Other times, people get quickly annoyed at me having to show them my phone for them to read and they just tell me to tell them later, but who knows how long that will take?

Using a soundboard app on my phone is another option that I tried once, and is a popular method of communication for fully nonverbal individuals. I wasn't fond of it because my options were limited and I usually have a lot to say.

Gesturing and using sign language is the method that I prefer the most, but only a few people that I know and speak to regularly are able to understand sign. The gestures are easier for people to understand, and people can easily learn the ASL alphabet so that I can fingerspell to them, so I try to urge people to learn sign at least a little bit. Not only will it be useful for myself and other nonverbal individuals that rely on sign, but it is also beneficial to the Deaf community because it provides more inclusivity within a society dominated by hearing people who speak to communicate.

My experiences going nonverbal are my driving factor in creating this site and wanting to educate people on the benefits of sign language, both for treatment purposes or for episodic purposes. Sign language can benefit multiple communities and still serve the purpose of communication and can potentially help improve the lives of those who may be unable to verbally speak for themselves.